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A Woman's Need to Connect Can Drive The Man Away - Part 2
By John Gray
Depending on the man, a number of things can cause him to lose interest in a woman. However, one trait is sure to extinguish his attraction: her demand for constant attention.
When Planets Collide
Even if a man is working on something that he feels will make the woman in his life happy, he sees anything that keeps him from reaching his goal as a distraction.
Sometimes the "distraction" can be her trying to communicate. If she says she feels unhappy, he tries to fix her problems so that she can be happy again. Many times, a woman isn't looking for her problems to be solved, but is instead just looking for a sympathetic ear to listen.
When a woman gets upset with his solutions, a man sometimes feels that she does not trust his judgment. He fears that his suggestions were inadequate because they couldn't make her happy.
Although a woman might be complaining about a bad day at the office, a man might somehow think that he is responsible for her unhappiness because he cannot make her feel better.
When she can't be pleased, a man may feel that a woman is demanding and wants more than he can give. He thinks that he will never be good enough for her and becomes discouraged. He feels that she cannot trust him to make her happy.
When a man feels mistrusted, he becomes upset.
Unlike a woman who talks about her problems in order to feel better, he often retreats and tries to think out a solution on his own.
The woman, sensing something is wrong, starts probing him for answers. She wants to make him feel better and she thinks that, if he talks about his problems, it would bring him some relief.
If she were upset, she would like him to show her the same concern. But men and women deal with problems differently. Most women don't realize that if they give their partner the time and the space that he needs, he will return to her sooner, ready to give her the love that she needs.
If a woman tries to force a man to talk to her when he is upset, he will often become angry.
All of her questions, that she thinks are filled with love and concern, make him feel like he is being interrogated.
As a result, he shuts down. A vicious cycle is born: the more a woman tries to communicate, the more a man feels suffocated. As a result, he disengages. This causes a woman to fear that he is no longer devoted to her. She worries that he has lost interest in her and the relationship.
In this situation, a woman might begin to feel desperate and fear that she is the problem. In order to make her partner feel loved and supported, she clings to him and pays him even more attention.
Eventually, a man might lose patience and disappear in order to get the space that he needs to breathe. This can cause great emotional upheaval for a woman. She feels deserted and slides into what can be described as a "well" of deep emotion. Once in the well, a woman needs a ladder of verbal exchange in order to climb out. When her partner is unavailable, she is forced to discover her other options.
The Solution for "Venusians"
Instead of looking to your Martian to support you all the time, seek out communication with those who will welcome it. Girlfriends and family members are often happy to receive a visit, correspondence or call. This takes some of the pressure off of him and you will feel better.
Talk with a coach. Coaches can offer you the insight to examine what's behind your fear or frustration regarding time apart. A coach can also help you to create an appropriate action plan. Knowing the best ways to interact with a Martian is essential here. Often the simple, yet wrong, move can mean the difference between a break and a break up.
Some examples of possible plans of action include:
1) Identifying other support people
2) Releasing painful emotions
3) Discovering other ways to keep happy when he's unavailable
4) Distinguishing if, and when, it would be appropriate to initiate contact
Finding love can be a challenge but it's certainly possible. All you need is a road map and a guide. | 
