Little Habits That Can Make All The Difference - Part 4

By Mary Ganske, Women's Day Magazine, October 3, 2000

Here is a suggested little habit from a top new breed of marriage schools aimed at helping happy couples make a good thing even better.  Unlike traditional therapy, in these workshops couples learn concrete skills that make any relationship stronger.

Woman's Day Magazine took a look at the top marriage renewal programs across the country. The result: five ways to improve communication, smooth over rough spots, and get closer than ever before.

MARRIAGE TIP #4:  CONTROL THE WAY YOU ARGUE

The workshop:  PREP, Inc.  (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program), Denver

Every happy couple has hot-button issues. Even the most compatible pair yell and scream sometimes.

The trick is to contain the disagreements before they spin out of control. "If you handle conflicts poorly -- with hostility, nagging, or icy distance -- the love and affection you feel for each other will erode over time," says Howard Markman, PhD, founder of PREP, Inc. and coauthor of "Fighting For Your Marriage". 

Your best bet is to head off fights in the first place by bringing up tough issues before they erupt.

When you find yourselves together with some time to talk, bring up your concerns:  what to do about your ailing mother, how to budget for the kids' education, when to renovate the kitchen. That way, you won't initiate a debate when you're stressed and likely to lash out, says Dr. Markman. If despite your best efforts, the conversation turns into a screaming match, call a time-out and agree to revisit the issue when you can both be civil.

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God bless your marriage and your family. 

Jim