A Word to Wives - Men Need More Time

By Gary Thomas

Here's another big difference in the male brain that lies at the root of many marital confrontations: neurological studies show that men may take up to seven hours longer than women to process complex emotional data. Think of that: seven hours!  

Why this delay? Many physiological facts help to explain it:

  * men have a smaller hippocampus in the limbic system (which processes emotional experiences)

  * females have more neural pathways to and from the emotive centers of the brain

  * the bundle of nerves that connects the left and right portions of the brain - allowing the processing of thoughts and talk with emotions - is about 25 percent smaller in men than in women.

Consider the implications. Suppose you have an argument or disagreement just after breakfast, and you take about fifteen minutes to get a grip on why you feel so angry. Your husband may not get to that point until dinnertime.

But women often find it hard to wait that long; they want to discuss their feelings right away, and they want their husband to discuss his feelings - yet all the while his brain lags behind, stuck in the earliest stages of processing what just happened.

(Sounds opposite to the bedroom situation.  --Jim)

But a woman may respond, "But he won't discuss it later," Leslie Vernick works on helping wives "learn how to bring up something without attacking their husbands and while working on their own heart and approach. Most men are willing to discuss something if they're not feeling like they're being pushed into a corner or blamed for something they did wrong."

Here's a suggestion. If you have an emotional issue that needs to be addressed, why not give your husband a heads-up several hours before you actually have a chance to talk?  

"Honey, something's really been bugging me (or hurting me, or frustrating me, or worrying me.) Here it is in a nutshell. Can you think it over so that we can talk about it later tonight?" By using this tactic, you'll give him plenty of time to process complex emotional data.

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Article taken directly from the book, Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas. Published by Zondervan Publishing.  

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God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens