Here's some nice relief. Contrary to what you see all the time in the media, your chances in marriage are very good. A new book out documents the truth and brings together much research in a readable way. 

 

In a new book, "For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage," the New York Times' columnist Tara Parker-Pope offers hope and optimism about modern marriages based on the actual scientific data rather than the attitude of the current cultural media.
 
Our culture and media have been bombarding us with stories of cheating spouses and failed marriages. You are given the impression that a trip to the altar is usually a losing bet. But it's a lie.
 
This book will make you feel better about your marriage because it tells the truth. The odds of success are actually quite favorable. Also, it's been proven that small, simple changes in a spouses' everyday behavior can often remedy whatever ails most marriages.
 
The author rounds up a wide-ranging body of the best scientific research. Some topics covered are research on the likelihood of divorce, the biochemistry of falling in love, and the most serious signs of marital deterioration (eye-rolling during a conversation, for example, a sign of contempt). 
 
The goal is to help couples recapture that delightful optimism they feel when they first marry, and to give couples yardsticks and remedies to identify and solve marital problems.
 
Here are some highlights:
 
  · Among college-educated couples, the 10-year divorce rate actually fell sharply from the 1970s to the 1990s from 23% to 16%.
 
  · Despite all the media joking about marriage being a romance-killer, research shows that married people are actually having more sex than people who have either never married, or who are divorced or widowed, or even those who are unmarried and living together.
 
  · New lovers and people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder have similar blood levels of the brain chemical serotonin. Thus lovers become obsessed for a while, spending as much as 85% of the day thinking about the object of their affections. Spouses shouldn't be disappointed when the "honeymoon effect" wears off; it is normal.
 
  · When people get wounded they actually heal more slowly after fighting with a spouse, and a mere half-hour of fighting will seriously depress your immune system. Also, divorce is linked to a significantly higher incidence of health problems-20%, according to one study cited.
 
Ms. Parker-Pope also offers some other practical tips that have proven successful:
 
  · If your marital sex life deteriorates, just have sex anyway; sex is important to marriage and health, and as you get into it, you probably will start to enjoy it.
 
  · Don't let your social network of family and friends wither just because you are married.
 
  · Don't expect your spouse to make you happy, especially if your habit is to be blue.
 
  · If you screw up, don't expect a simple "I'm sorry" to heal the wounds. Always feed your relationship with positive words and behaviors. The ratio should be at least five to one for positive over negative.
 
This book presents the research in a most a clear and comprehensive context. Whatever your curiosity or concern about marriage, it is almost certainly addressed here.
 
Check it out at your local library or look for it in your bookstore.

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