Busting the Seven Myths of a Christian Marriage - Part 2

By Judy Bodmer

One couple thought being Christians would save them from marital problems. Their naive beliefs made everything worse.

What had happened to us? Two years before, when we'd committed our lives to Jesus Christ, Larry and I had been like newlyweds again. I was sure with God as our partner, our journey through life would be smooth. But it wasn't.

But it wasn't until we realized how naive we'd been-thinking that because we were Christians our marriage would be perfect-were we able to uncover the myths we'd bought into. While we realized many of these myths were well-meaning, they were destroying our marriage! After that weekend, Larry and I spent several years blasting these seven myths and uncovering the truth. Here's what we discovered.

(continued from yesterday)

Myth #2 Our marriage will be divorce-proof if we're both Christians.

This belief left us feeling ashamed when we stood at the brink of divorce. We didn't think anyone would understand, so we waited to go for help until it was almost too late.

The truth is: Being a Christian doesn't guarantee you won't get divorced. Larry and I believed that because we were Christ-followers, we'd live a fairy-tale life. Christian therapist Roy Austin calls this "magical thinking" and believes many Christian couples struggle with it. He says, "'Magical thinking' leaves couples less prepared for the rigors of marriage." This may explain why Christian pollster George Barna has found that the divorce rate among born-again Christians is now the same as for non-Christians. If Larry and I had understood this truth, we might have gone for help sooner. Today we are open and honest about our hard years when speaking to young married groups, which they've found both eye-opening and helpful. We just wish someone had told us this truth.

Myth #3 Scriptures can be a simple guide for our marriage.

One of the hot issues with which Larry and I dealt was who should handle the money. We thought that to be scripturally correct Larry should pay the bills and balance the checkbook. He always felt pressured by the time it took to do this. Since he handled all our money, I never knew how much I had to spend on groceries and clothes. This added to an already tense situation.

Here's the truth: Scripture can be a valuable guide for our daily living - as long as we don't misinterpret what it says. Intensive Bible study taught us that God intends for us to be one unit, submitting to each other and working together for the good of the whole. That means using our giftedness. Right now, I have more time available to handle our daily financial tasks. There have been other times when Larry took this responsibility. We've also learned that together we make better decisions than we do individually.

Myth #4 We need to keep our marital problems to ourselves.

When I joined a women's Bible study, everyone I met looked happy and put together. I knew no one would understand that Larry and I sometimes said ugly, hurtful things to each other, so I kept quiet about what was happening in our marriage.