Brains Are Not Fully Wired Until 25-26 Years Old

By Christine Meinecke

Did you know that emotional maturity does not automatically come with age?

According to 21st century findings about brain development, our brains are not fully wired for key functions of emotional maturity - inhibition of negative emotions, judgment, rational thought - until we are 25-26 years old.

We may take on the responsibilities of adult life - choosing a life partner, earning a living, furthering our education, raising children, saving for retirement - without being or becoming emotionally mature.

Like every other truly valuable life skill, gaining emotional maturity takes determination and practice.

We must recognize the need to become mature. We must choose to keep interactions with our spouse on an adult/adult level. Rather than speaking as an angry parent and blaming or as a defensive child, speak to your partner as you would to an adult friend. Direct your brain, as you do when interacting with friends, to inhibit negative emotions and generate rational responses.

If the idea of practicing self-responsibility in romantic relationships is new to you, here's a quick description of the concept. Your relationship satisfaction, expectations, and emotional reactions are not your spouse's responsibility. You are responsible for what you think, how you feel, and how you behave.

Even if your spouse's behavior seems blame-worthy, blaming reflects your own unrealistic expectations. If you are unhappy with your spouse, examine your expectations. Even if your expectations seem reasonable and fifty friends and family members agree with you, clinging to conventional expectations in the face of a partner's unwillingness to change feeds dissatisfaction. Blaming comes out of your own emotional immaturity.