Will you please just listen?

By Bea and Jim Strickland

When I ask you to listen and you start giving advice, you have not done what I have asked.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me why I shouldn't feel the way I do, you are invalidating my feelings.

When I ask you to listen and you start trying to solve my problem, I feel underestimated and disempowered.

When I ask you to listen and you start telling me what I need to do, I feel offended, pressured and controlled.

When I ask you to listen, it does not mean I am helpless. I may be faltering, depressed, or discouraged, but I am not helpless.

When I ask you to listen and you do things which I can and need to do for myself, you hurt my self-esteem.

When you accept the way I feel, then I don't need to spend time and energy trying to defend myself or convince you. Then I can focus on figuring out why I feel the way I feel and what to do about it.

Then when I can do that, I don't need advice. I just need support, trust, and encouragement.

Please remember that what you think are "irrational feelings" always make sense if you take time to listen and understand me.