Are you looking for marriage saving tips that will actually make a difference in your marriage? I don't blame you.

Sometimes it can be very difficult to solve your own problems because you're simply too close to them. (Remember the old saying; you can't see the forest for the trees?)

I had this problem throughout the first 27 most difficult years of my marriage. Just 4 short years ago I finally discovered the "recipe" (if you will) for a happy marriage. I wish I knew then what I know now, but my ability to help others using the marriage saving tips and insight I discovered is definitely worth all the misery I went through.

So, in an effort to save you from the painful learning curve that I had to go through, I've condensed these 'secrets' into 2 very powerful, yet simple marriage saving tips.

 

Marriage Saving Tip #1 - Talk About Your Values and Beliefs

In the last marriage saving tip, I mentioned that you should ask your spouse questions to get to the source of conflict in your marriage. But that isn't the only reason you should be asking questions...

If you want your spouse to do something (or stop doing something), you need to phrase your request as a question to prevent an argument from taking place.

...and no, I'm NOT talking about questions like "What's WRONG with you?!?" or "Whose the dummy who left the stove on?!"

Let me give you an actual example to demonstrate how this marriage saving tip might sound in real life....

Let's say your spouse goes out with his/her friends once a week. But lately, you've noticed that he/she's been deciding to 'call it a night' around 1:30 in the morning.

Aside from the fact that you just don't feel comfortable with your spouse coming home so late, you decide you want him/her to come home at a more reasonable time just so he/she doesn't wake the kids.

Now your first instinct may be to yell at your spouse right when s/he comes home or give him/her the cold shoulder the next day. But if you REALLY want something to change, then pay close attention to this marriage saving tip...

First of all, NEVER deal with this kind of a situation the same night. Wait until the next day, and pick a time to talk when the two of you are alone and relaxed.

Then, with the most compassionate and understanding voice, ask him/her, "Honey, since the kids wake up when you come home and have a hard time getting back to sleep, would it be possible for you to come home a little earlier?"

Bonus Marriage Saving Tip:  When you approach your spouse about an issue that might cause an argument, follow this 2-step formula...

Now I know you may be thinking this is too much work. But let me tell you why this marriage saving tip will actually make your life EASIER....

Because arguments are MORE work! They are emotionally draining for both of you; they stress out your children, go on for hours and create lasting and bitter separation between you and your spouse.

That's right. Arguments NEVER solve anything. It's the RATIONAL, REASONABLE and CIVIL part AFTER the argument when problems get solved.

So why not cut out the arguing and go straight to the problem solving?

I'm sure you've heard the statement before..."I don't like your tone!"

This is the other half of communicating with your spouse. Your tone has everything to do with your emotions - the more negative you feel at the moment, the more confrontational your tone will be.

The more POSITIVE you feel; the better chance you'll have of constructively dealing with the difficult issues in your marriage. The key to this marriage saving tip is getting rid of your negative feelings BEFORE you try to communicate with each other.

Now, back to the question you were asking your spouse...

"Honey, since the kids wake up when you come home and have a hard time getting back to sleep, would it be possible for you to come home a little earlier?"

At this point s/he could become defensive and say "How MUCH earlier? I knew you were going to do this....you never want me to have time with my friends..." etc...etc.

Warning...You need to stop your spouse before s/he goes too far and says something that puts you over the edge. Instead, be ready to handle his/her reaction with a three part answer.

First give a support statement that will calm your spouse down.

"I don't want to interrupt your time with your friends. You certainly deserve it."

Second, give a benefit statement that gives both of you value.

"What I was hoping for is an alternative time that wouldn't interfere with the kids' sleeping habits."

Third, ask for ideas toward a better solution.

"Do you have any ideas?"

If you don't think you'll be able to control your temper in difficult situations like this, get my free email course on how to control your negative feelings before they get out of control using a technique I created to stop my negative feelings in 20 seconds.

Make no mistake about it, if your marriage seems to be getting worse every day, try this marriage saving tip for yourself. Of all the ways to stop a divorce, this one is the best way to diffuse arguments before they gain momentum.

Your next step? To take what you've just learned in these marriage saving tips and put them to use in your marriage. I guarantee, when you do, you'll notice an improvement in your marriage and your stress level will be drastically reduced.