Think of the family plan as a plane flight with yourself (the parents) as the pilot. Before a plane takes off, the pilot has a flight plan and knows where he/she is going. During the flight, wind, rain, turbulence and air traffic move the plane off course. But despite deviations, the plane arrives at its destination because the pilot has constant feedback from instruments, control towers and other planes.
The success of your family plan lies not in the deviations but in your vision, your plan and your ability to get feedback and move back on course.
Schedule time for family activities.
Ask any adult what his/her favorite memories are, and chances are those memories will be of time spent with family. In addition to being enjoyable, such experiences form what we call an emotional bank account. They are shared memories from which each family member can draw for the rest of their lives.
But like any important mission in our busy worlds, you must set aside time to work on it or it isn't likely to take place.
The time commitment alone tells children that family, and the time spent with family, are important.
Set aside a specific time each week to spend together as a family. Successful family time has four ingredients:
Planning
Teaching
Problem solving
Having fun
Try to include all four of these ingredients during the time your family spends together.
Example: When we get together for our family time, we review our upcoming family events calendar, discuss issues and make decisions. Often, we'll have a talent show so our grandkids can show us how their dance and music lessons are coming along.
Then we'll have a short sharing session about something informative, such as a recently read book, and then perhaps play a board game. We serve special refreshments, too.
Of course, family time doesn't have to be that involved, especially at first. Start out with something as simple as having a weekly family meal in a restaurant. The idea is to start having enjoyable, shared experiences on which to build.
Schedule a one-on-one weekly get-together with each family member. On average, a father spends five minutes alone with a child each day. A mother spends only 20 minutes. Spouses, too, spend little time alone together.
The greatest need for anyone, especially a child, is to feel that he/she is loved and special. And the best way to give someone that nurtured feeling is to give your undivided time and attention. In fact, it's during one-on-one bonding times that the deepest emotional nurturing is done.
At these private dates, don't teach or lecture. These are times to listen and understand. With this in mind, let the other person set the agenda. One child might want to go jogging with you, another might want to go for a drive, while another might want to go fishing.
Put an industrial-sized zipper on your mouth. This is the time to concentrate on the other person.
Scheduling these dates in advance ensures that they will happen, and it also creates a marvelous "shared expectation." The anticipation of this "you're special" time is as great as the realization of that actual time spent together.
Creating traditions creates warmth. Building traditions around special times is another important way to unite your family. Often taken for granted, traditions send the message, "This is how we do things as a family."
They also create even more wonderful shared expectations, joyful times and happy memories for all family members.
As part of your weekly family time, explore how you would like to observe special events, such as birthdays, anniversaries and holidays. Don't confine traditions only to obvious major events. A tradition can be as simple as pancakes on Sunday mornings or planting flower seeds.
Planning your traditions builds up expectations and that intensifies the intimacy of the family experience.
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