Before You Touch Her Body - Part 1

By C.J. Mahaney

What we love, we want to learn about. And what we love to study, we come to love even more. That's just the way God has wired us. My highest and greatest love will always be reserved for God. But after my love for God, nothing compares to the passion I hold for Carolyn, my wife.

Because I have this passion for her, I have studied her. I've noticed and noted details about her. All kinds of details. Everything from the kinds of snacks she likes, to what certain facial expressions reveal, to this one particular freckle that only I see.

It has been my privilege to be a student of Carolyn since before our engagement. As I have studied her - seeking to learn what pleases, excites, honors, encourages, refreshes, and helps her - my love for her has only increased.

The truth that can change your marriage

There is a truth that should be emblazoned on the heart of every husband. If you remember nothing else from this article, remember this:

In order for romance to deepen, you must touch the heart and mind of your wife before you touch her body.

This, gentlemen, is a truth that can change your marriage. Nothing kindles erotic romance in a marriage like a husband who knows how to touch the heart and mind of his wife before he touches her body.

Too often we reverse the order. We touch her body prematurely and expect that she will respond immediately and passionately. Normally that's not how it works.

Learning and gathering

As a romancer of my wife, I know that my essential role is that of a student and a planner. So I constantly keep my eyes and ears open for ideas to record. I've been known not to hear my name called in a doctor's office because I am furiously scribbling information from a magazine article.

I keep track of good getaway spots, ideas for dates, and many other bits of useful information. I know what to record because I have studied my wife  -  her life, her preferences, and her responsibilities - and have learned what makes her tick, romantically speaking. 

And I learned a long time ago that no matter how amazed or impressed I am by an idea or thought, I almost certainly will forget it if I don't write it down.

(Part 2 consists of notes on topics of what a man can study about his wife.)