If You Apologize, Is Your Sincerity Believed?

By Gary Chapman

What most people are looking for in an apology is sincerity.

If you have offended me and you are trying to apologize, what I want to know is are you sincere?

But how do you determine sincerity? Therein lies the problem.

What one person considers to be sincere is not what another person considers to be sincere.

Research has revealed that there are five basic elements to an apology. I call them the Five Languages of Apology. For most people, one or two of these speak more deeply of sincerity than the others. You do not need to include all five languages to offer an effective apology. For an apology to be accepted, you need to speak the language (or perhaps two languages ) that conveys to the offended person your sincerity.

The first language of apology is expressing regret. Saying, "I'm sorry." It is expressing to the offended person your own sense of pain that your behavior has hurt them. Regret focuses on what you did or failed to do and how it affected the other person.

The others are:

Accepting Responsibility - I was wrong.

Making Restitution - How can I make it up to you?

Genuinely Repenting - I won't do it again.

Requesting Forgiveness - Please forgive me.

Article written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Based on the book, The Five Languages of Apology, by Dr. Gary Chapman.