Tips to Help Nice Guys Get in the Game

By John Gray

Why is it that the women you know tell you they want a "nice guy," but it's the smooth player who gets their number while you stay home weekends watching bad cable TV? You're a nice guy. Lots of women have told you so. Of course, it's in the form of, "You're a nice guy, but..."

Do women want nice guys or not? The answer is yes, they do. But the simple reason that they often date the "player" is because these guys actually ASK THEM OUT. They don't just sit on the bench: they get in the game. They know that while a batting average of .300 is a really good thing, it means that they will still strike out over 2/3 of the time, but they take their swing anyway. This confidence is very attractive to women. It's not that women want nice guys to become "players," but they would love it if you would get in the game.

Most nice guys are trying to respect a woman's feelings and her space. They don't want to come on too strong. They do want to acknowledge her strength and independence.

But sometimes in being "nice," they sabotage their chances. It's the "Halfway Theory." Nice guys assume the woman will meet them halfway...equal partners. That way, she still has control and feels empowered.

That's nice, but it's wrong. You will not make yourself attractive to a woman by pursuing her only halfway.

Think about it: if Albert Pujols got up to the plate, hit the ball and then ran only HALFWAY to first base, he'd be out. And if he didn't even try to swing at the ball at all, he'd also end up back on the bench.

Most men don't realize the power they have to win a woman over. Your attraction and interest in her will make her more interested in and attracted to you.

This is why halfway is not far enough. We surveyed women on the MarsVenus staff about the things nice guys do that don't quite connect and came up with four tips to help a nice guy make contact-all you have to do is take that swing:

1. Don't sweat the "etiquette"

You've always been taught "Ladies first," and so there you are waiting for a signal before approaching and making your move. For some guys, it can be as small and subtle as a quick smile; others need the equivalent of a sledgehammer over the head but whichever category you fall into, you may be waiting forever so DO make the first move.

If you are attracted to a woman, making that move will make you more attractive to her. Our research shows whenever a man does something to make a woman feel special, in her eyes he becomes more attractive.

2. Don't play it cool

Now you're probably thinking, "But I don't want her to feel like I'm hitting on her. I don't want her to think I am trying to pick her up."

Actually, you do want her to think you are hitting on her. If she thinks you are just being polite or friendly, then she will not see you as a romantic prospect. So, do express your interest. This doesn't mean some tired line like, "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Ask her questions about herself. Find out about common interests. Listen to her instead of talking about you. Again, your interest in her will fuel her attraction to you.

 (The other two will be tomorrow.)

____________________________________________ 

God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens