We all know that good communication is key for a successful marriage. But good communication doesn't always come easily. Here are some suggestions if you have "the silent spouse".

If your spouse is the silent type, this can make communication very difficult. But be sure to check if you are unknowingly spurring on this behavior? Let me give you some suggestions. 

1.  Stop saying "I wish you'd talk more."  This is condemning and does not stimulate conversation.

2.  Ask specific questions.  "How was your day?" is much too general.  "What did you have for lunch today?" is much better. Start with soliciting facts. Then later you can move to feelings.

3.  Check your own output.  If you are talking too much, your spouse will never talk more.  Did you hear about the little boy who asked his father for help in writing a paper on "garden clubs"? His father said: "Son, I don't know anything about Garden Clubs, go ask your mother."  To which the little boy responded, "Dad, I don't want to know that much." 

4.  Replace criticisms with compliments.  "John, I really appreciate you taking out the garbage."  This much preferred over, "About time you took the garbage out, the flies were going to carry it out for you."  Compliments encourage talking.  Criticism closes the door.

 

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Summary of the Five Languages of Apology or

 

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