Tips to Help Nice Guys Get in the Game

By John Gray

Do women want nice guys or not? The answer is yes, they do. But the simple reason that they often date the "player" is because these guys actually ASK THEM OUT. They don't just sit on the bench: they get in the game. This confidence is very attractive to women. It's not that women want nice guys to become "players," but they would love it if you would get in the game.

Most nice guys are trying to respect a woman's feelings and her space. They don't want to come on too strong. They do want to acknowledge her strength and independence.

But sometimes in being "nice," they sabotage their chances. It's the "Halfway Theory." Nice guys assume the woman will meet them halfway...equal partners. That way, she still has control and feels empowered.

That's nice, but it's wrong. You will not make yourself attractive to a woman by pursuing her only halfway.

Most men don't realize the power they have to win a woman over. Your attraction and interest in her will make her more interested in and attracted to you.

We surveyed women on the MarsVenus staff about the things nice guys do that don't quite connect and came up with four tips to help a nice guy make contact. Here are the last two. Yesterday were the first two.

3. Don't compliment clothing

Compliments can be a good icebreaker-if they are done right.

One of the women at MarsVenus.com recounted that she was grocery shopping after work and a guy came up to her and said "Nice jacket." She looked at him like he was from Mars (which he was) and muttered "Thanks" and continued shopping. It didn't occur to her until much later that he was trying to make contact with her because he was attracted to her. She thought he was interested in her jacket.

So remember, do compliment the woman. Had this guy said, "That jacket looks great on YOU" or "YOU look nice in that jacket," she would have understood his intention.

4. Don't hand a woman your business card

You give a woman your business card because you are trying to be respectful and considerate. You want her to feel empowered. "Give me a call if you're interested." This can backfire because then a woman interprets this as you wanting to be pursued. It makes her feel as if she isn't attractive enough to you for you to pursue her.

So instead, DO ask for her card and/or number. She might say "no," which could mean she's uncomfortable giving out her number or she's not interested. But if she is somewhat interested, the act of asking for her number is likely to increase her attraction to you. After you've made that move, then giving her your card will more likely be interpreted correctly. 

God bless your family and your marriage.

Jim Stephens