Daily Tips from The Marriage Library.com
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Expressions Of Gratitude Influence
Loving Behavior In Partners
 
By Jeremy Nicholson
 
October 18, 2011                                                                             Issue 804    

  

Summary of this article

 

This is a follow-up article to yesterday. It includes some practical suggestions of what to do if you are not experiencing a give and take of gratitude with your partner.  

 

God bless your family and your marriage.

 

Jim   

Expressions Of Gratitude Influence Loving Behavior In Partners

 

By Jeremy Nicholson

 

The topic is gratitude - a feeling and expression of thankfulness for the efforts of others that are costly to them and beneficial to us. I have long believed that gratitude is a foundation for happy dates, satisfying relationships, and positive social exchange. I also believe gratitude is very persuasive and influential. Now, I have the research to back up my beliefs (see yesterday's article, Oct. 17, 2011).

 

Overall, gratitude has two powerful influences on positive relationship behavior. When we express gratitude to a partner, we increase the chances that they will behave well towards us in the future.

When we feel gratitude, we increase the chance that we will behave well towards them.

 

If our partner feels grateful for our good behavior as well, then a positive cycle develops. Everybody is grateful...and everybody behaves lovingly.

 

What This Means for Your Love Life

 

Focus on both the feeling and expression of gratitude to create a good interaction. This is important, whether it is a first date, or after years of marriage. Follow these tips:

 

1) Feel Gratitude - Pay attention to the positive and supportive behaviors of your date or mate. Take note when they do something positive and effortful that benefits you. This will bring out your feelings of appreciation, gratitude, and thankfulness for their efforts. It will also motivate you to value your partner and treat him/her well in return.

 

2) Show Thanks - Also, when you notice that your partner has done something good for you, be sure to thank them. Show them that you appreciate their efforts. Write them a note. Say thank you. Give them a kiss or a hug. Do something nice in return. Such expressions of gratitude will motivate his/her future loving behavior. It serves as a reinforcement to encourage the behaviors you desire as well.

 

3) Look for Appreciation - Because gratitude motivates loving behavior, it is important that your date or mate is grateful for what you do for them too. So, do something loving for them (that you know is important to them and they like). Then, see whether they notice, appreciate it, and show gratitude in some way. If they do, then a positive cycle of gratitude and loving behavior can develop between you both. Keep it up! If they don't appreciate your efforts, however, especially after multiple attempts, then other influence might be warranted.

 

4) Troubleshoot (When Necessary) - If you seem to have an ungrateful partner, there are a four fixes to try:

 

First, make sure your loving behaviors are what THEY want and need. Gratitude is created by you being responsive to their needs, not just doing what you want (even if it is a lot of work).

 

Second, make sure that you are not missing their appreciative behaviors. Sometimes partners do "thankful" things that are easy to miss, or don't mean much to you. So, keep your eyes peeled. Also, talk with them. Tell them what YOU like. See whether they do it.

 

Third, evaluate whether your partner is invested in the relationship and appreciates you in general. Doing too much for them, without asking for things in return, can result in you being taken for granted...not appreciated. If that is the case, then take a break, ask for things, and let them put something into the relationship.

 

 

Finally, if none of those solutions work, or you find yourself with an ungrateful date at the beginning, it might be a good idea to re-evaluate your options. When someone is truly unappreciative, think about dumping them for someone who is thankful. Otherwise, it can be a long, loveless, and thankless journey.

 

Conclusion

 

Gratitude makes the relationship world go around. It is an essential feature. Expressions of gratitude influence loving behavior in partners. Feelings of gratitude influence loving behaviors towards partners. When both co-occur, a positive upward spiral of reciprocal caring behavior results.

 

So, when gratitude isn't part of a relationship, try to find it, make it, or leave for more thankful situations. When it is there between you and a partner, however, be appreciative and grateful for it.

 


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The Marriage Library
 20112011