I Am Responsible For My Own Attitude

By Gary Chapman

Trouble is inevitable, but misery is optional.

Attitude has to do with the way I choose to think about things. Two wives have husbands who have lost their jobs. Wendy said, "My husband hasn't had a full-time job in three years. The good part is not being able to afford cable TV. We've done a lot more talking on Monday nights. We've learned a lot. Our philosophy is 'Let's see how many things we can do without that everybody else thinks they have to have.' It's amazing how many things you can do without."

On the other hand, Lou Ann said, "My husband hasn't had a job for ten months. We are down to one car, no phone, and we're getting food from the food bank. Life is miserable at our house." The difference in these two wives was basically a matter of attitude.

We choose to think negatively and curse the darkness, or we choose to look for the silver lining behind the clouds.

Attitude affects actions.

The reason attitudes are so important is that they affect my behavior and words. I may not be able to control my environment: sickness, alcoholic spouse, teenager on drugs, aging parents, etc. but I am responsible for what I do within my environment. My attitude will greatly influence my behavior.

If I look for the positive in my marriage, then I'm more likely to talk positively: give my spouse affirming words, and to do something that has the potential for enhancing life for both of us.

On the other hand, if I focus on the negative, I'm more likely to give my spouse critical, condemning words.

This type of behavior will often result in one of two actions:

     I'll do things to hurt my spouse, or 

     I'll withdraw and consider leaving my spouse.