How To Talk So Kids Will Listen AND Listen So Kids Will Talk - Part 1
By Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Book report offered by Heide Schibelius
When I first saw that title I thought, "that's exactly what I need to know". When I was done reading, I was wondering why I didn't find this book 12 years ago when my children were younger and I needed answers. But then I realized, I still have plenty of time to use these ideas and principles now. My kids are 11, 14, and 16.
While I was reading the advice along with the many examples of conversations, I thought, "of course, that's the way to do it, why didn't I see that before?" So I am truly grateful that someone took the time and made the effort to write this book (way back in 1980).
About the book
The book offers situations where you can put yourself into your child's position and find out how he/she feels. There are role-plays for the same purpose and other exercises.
When you are through with the whole book, you don't just know some new ways to deal with your kid's, you also know exactly why you want to use those new ways. I call it "Love in action".
Each chapter has two parts:
Section 1. Explaining the challenge and giving a solution with examples, little cartoons to illustrate, and exercises to practice the principles. The exercises help you to understand and to change your old habits.
Section 2. Comments, questions and parents' stories.
Brief Chapter Summary
Chapter 1: Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings
According to the authors, "There is a direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave. When kids feel right, they behave right."
A huge underlying problem is that parents don't usually accept their children's expression of their feelings. For example:
Child: Mommy, I am tired.
Mom: You couldn't be tired. You just had a nap. . . . Or
Child: Mommy, I'm hot.
Mom: It's cold here, keep your sweater on. . . . Or
similar comments to these:
"You don't really feel that way."
"You're just saying that because .... (ex. you're tired)"
"There's no reason to be ... (ex. so upset)"
A steady denial of a child's feelings can confuse and even enrage kids - (haven't we seen that!).
Also it teaches them not to know what their feelings are - and even if they can identify them, to not trust them."
We can better help our kids to feel right by OUR accepting their feelings.
Recommendation: just listen without commenting on what he or she says, or give the feeling a name like, "that must have been frustrating."
Tomorrow:
Chapter 2: How To Engage Cooperation
Click here 
