Gottman's Relationship Tips 101 - Part 1

From www.Gottman.com

Since 1973, Dr. John Gottman has studied what he calls the "masters and disasters" of marriage.

Ordinary people from the general public took part in long-term studies, and Dr. Gottman learned what makes marriages fail, what makes them succeed, and what can make them a source of great meaning.

By examining partners' heart rates, facial expressions, and how they talk about their relationship to each other and to other people, Dr. Gottman is able to predict with 90% accuracy which couples will make it, and which will not. What advice does Dr. Gottman have to offer? Below are some of his top suggestions for how to keep your relationship or marriage strong.

Seek help early. The average couple waits 6 years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.

Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.

Soften your "start up." Arguments first "start up" because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflict from the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in a confrontational tone. Bring up problems gently and without blame.

Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extent that the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, "Do you have to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need your help getting ready," and her husband replies, "My plans are set, and I'm not changing them" - then this guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband's ability to be influenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because research shows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and a true partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.

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World renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, John Gottman has thirty-five years of breakthrough research on marriage and parenting which have earned him numerous major awards. He is the author of 190 published academic articles and author or co-author of 40 books. Dr. Gottman is a research scientist whose methods and standards are as rigorous as those used by medical science. The data generated by Dr. Gottman's research offer a scientifically-based glimpse into the anatomy of marriage and couples relationships - but most importantly they provide us with factual, objective information that has contributed to the development of tools, methods, programs, products, and services dedicated to helping couples build stronger, happier relationships.