Daily Tips from The Marriage Library
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Understanding How Men and Women Solve Problems Differently
 
By John Gray

Oct. 30, 2010                                                                                                        Issue 451
Summary of this article
 
This article is about one of the basic premises of the Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus paradigm. What was mostly a fun theory 30 years ago is being verified. Brains scans are now showing scientifically that men and women solve problems differently.

Jim 

Understanding How Men and Women Solve Problems Differently

 

By John Gray

 

People often think they are speaking the same language and are coming from the same culture when in fact they are not! 

 

It is the lack of clarity and confusion over these "cultural differences" between Mars and Venus, that can create so many of the communication and interpersonal problems we experience today. 

 

The fact of the matter is that most Martians and Venusian approach problem solving differently. This is not to say that one way is right and the other way is wrong, or that one way is better than another.

 

Because of the way that our brain circuitry is hot-wired, a function of evolution and biology, we are built to look at issues through alternative channels.

 

A study was published not too long ago where researchers asked a group of men and women to solve a mathematical problem, while hooked up to an MRI showing brain function called PET, or Positron Emission Tomography.  The outcome was conclusive in that it showed both groups solved the problem correctly in the same amount of time, but used completely different parts of their brains! The men used one part of their brain, while the women used many parts of their brain.

 

The conclusion:  Men and women solve problems differently.

 

How do men typically approach problem solving? They usually withdraw to figure things out by themselves. They don't generally seek out others to discuss their problems with. They even sometimes see this as a sign of weakness.  This style is both at home or in the workplace. 

 

If a man does share a problem, he is generally looking for advice or feedback. Think about it, how many men readily ask for driving directions when they are lost?

 

This is difficult for Venusians to understand because women solve their problems by talking about them with people who listen, who care and who genuinely show interest. Most women need to talk. Even though they often think out loud to solve problems, they are not necessarily seeking solutions from others.  Instead, it is rather the process of verbalizing that helps her to answer her own questions.  She is organizing her ideas; trying them on for size. 

 

Sometimes a man will think that a woman is asking his advice when she simply taking an 'opinion poll'.  When she doesn't use his ideas, his feelings get hurt or he gets angry and wonders, "Why does she bother asking me what I think? She doesn't take my advice anyhow!"

 

Armed with this knowledge and understanding, we are better able to 'read' the opposite sex and not take their behavior personally.  If men do better thinking and working through problems on their own, and women do better thinking out loud and sharing ideas, then we would do well to accept and respect these differences.

 

Business managers, co-workers, wives, husbands, boyfriends, girlfriends, fathers and mothers take note: if it works better, Martians ought to withdraw and brainstorm on their own, and then share ideas with the group.  If women are more productive brainstorming out loud first, then going away to think about things, give them the latitude to do so whenever possible.

 

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God bless your family and your marriage.

 

Jim Stephens

 

 

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