It's Not In My Nature To Be Affectionate

By  Michael Webb

A few years ago I was doing a radio interview and the interviewer lamented how she couldn't be as warm, loving and affectionate as her husband because it wasn't in her "nature." She grew up with parents who didn't publicly display their affection and therefore she simply wasn't comfortable saying "I love you" and giving regular hugs and kisses. She said her husband was wonderful at expressing his feelings and knew their marriage suffered because she didn't reciprocate.

It's interesting how we can try to get away from expressing our love for one another and use "nature" as an excuse. We would never try to use that excuse for not getting a job, taking a bath, feeding our babies or brushing our teeth.

For many of us (me included) it is not easy sharing our hearts and feelings with our spouses. It's not easy working full-time or raising a healthy family either. But we should do it because it is the right thing to do and the end result is far greater than if we don't do those things.

I grew up in a family that wasn't very affectionate. My parents divorced before I was a teenager. Four of my sisters have married and divorced. I knew that if I desired a different outcome for my marriage, I would have to do things that weren't in my "nature." One of those things was regularly expressing my love for my wife.

In the early years of my marriage I set a goal to tell Athena that I loved her every day. Also, I made sure we hugged at least once a day. While it wasn't "natural" it eventually became easier and easier. The more I opened up and shared, the more comfortable it became. Sure, I could have hid behind some excuse that "I wasn't brought up that way" or "It's not in my nature" but if I wanted a blissful relationship I would have to overcome those fears.

I don't think it is in anyone's "nature" to have a blissful relationship. Instead, it is a decision you make and coupled with wisdom, a strong will, and a little bit of sacrifice, it's yours for the having.