By its very nature, conflict reveals that two people have differing opinions and that they feel strongly about their own perspective.

Along with every conflict comes a flag waving in the wind that reads, "Take time to listen."

Conflicts cannot be resolved without empathetic listening. I use the word empathetic because most couples believe they are listening to each other, when in fact they are just loading their verbal guns.
 
Empathetic listening means seeking to understand what the other person is thinking and feeling. It is putting ourselves in the other person's shoes and trying to look at the world through his or her eyes.

It means that we have laid aside our verbal guns in favor of truly understanding the other person's point of view.

Instead of focusing on how we are going to respond to what the other person is saying, we focus entirely on hearing what the other person is saying.

Empathetic listening begins when you affirm the importance of your marriage relationship.

 

When conflicts arise, set the stage for resolution by carefully stating your objective: "I want to hear what you are saying because I know it is important to you and I value our relationship."

I suggest that you write this sentence on an index card and read it out loud to yourself once a day until you memorize it, so that when conflict arises, you will be ready to state your objective.