Question: Do you believe in soul mates?

 

And if you do, how can you tell if a person is really your soul mate? Can a person have more than one?

Answer by Dr. Neil Clark Warren, creator of eHarmony.com

We conducted a study at eHarmony.com that examined two hundred couples who had "highly successful" marriages. We found that there are twenty-nine characteristics - including

religious values, ambition, and energy level-that determine a couple's "compatibility quotient." If a man and a woman match on a preponderance of the characteristics, it's highly likely

that they will have a terrific marriage.

Suppose there is a man who is 40 years old. Out of all the women in the world, there must be at least five hundred with whom he would match on all twenty-nine items.

And there are probably thousands more he would match with on, say, twenty-six or twenty-seven items and still be quite satisfied.

I believe soul mates are made, not born.

You start with the ingredients for a highly compatible, successful relationship and then you work to develop closeness and intimacy.

Does this mean you lower your standards when it comes to finding a partner? Absolutely not! It simply means you "expand your field of vision."

My best explanation for "expanding your field of vision" is contained within my book "Date or Soul Mate?: How to Know if Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less".

Many times the person who is excellent soul mate material will be a diamond in the rough. They may not look like your dream mate. They may not have the trappings that you've envisioned in your mind. To mine these diamonds you must become skilled at assessing the important qualities regardless of the packaging.

Take some time to focus on the ten traits you MUST HAVE in a mate. This exercise won't be easy, but it is vital to develop a short, tight list of traits that you absolutely must have from any relationship partner.

Then spend any equal period of time listing the ten traits you CAN'T STAND in a partner. Be detailed. Be strict. But you are allowed no more than ten.

This list of twenty traits is what you will use to help uncover your soul mate. The next time you are considering a relationship with a gentleman or lady, begin with your list. A person who fits into

your list perfectly is worthy of serious reflection from you, even if they aren't your "type."

Chemistry is certainly a part of any relationship, but take care to put important things first.

Before you become infatuated or enthralled with your date's looks, consider what he is like inside.

In the long run, it will certainly be what matters most.

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