The research done on effective apologizing by Dr. Gary Chapman is profound. It has far-reaching implications for any efforts for reconciliation among individuals or groups. - Jim
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Was That A Sincere Apology?
by Dr. Gary Chapman What most people are looking for in an apology is sincerity. If you have offended me and you are trying to apologize, what I want to know is, "Are you sincere?" But how do you determine sincerity? Therein lies the problem. What one person considers to be sincere is not what another person considers to be sincere. Research has revealed that there are five basic elements to an apology. I call them the The Five Languages of Apology.
For most people, one or two of these speak more deeply of sincerity than the others. If you have those one or two elements, your apology is sincere for them. If, however, you don't have those, even if you have the other elements of apology, then they don't recognize you are sincere.
Think of the ramifications of this research on relationships among friends, or spouses, or parents and children, bosses and employees, just about anyone.
You do not need to include all five "languages" to offer an effective apology. But the most essential ingredient for an apology to be accepted is that you need to speak the language (or perhaps two languages ) that conveys that you are sincere to the offended person.
The First Language of Apology is called Expressing Regret. That means simply saying, "I'm sorry." It is expressing to the offended person your own sense of pain that your behavior has hurt them. Regret focuses on what you did or failed to do and how it affected the other person.
The first one is the easiest. To learn more click on these links:
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God bless your marriage and family.
Jim Stephens |
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