Five Gender Myths in the Bedroom and Beyond - Part 2
By Stephanie Pappas, LiveScience Senior Writer
Is it Mars vs. Venus? The difference in men's and women's attitudes toward sex are often taken for granted. But not all psychologists are on board with these gender-essentialist statements. In a new review, University of Michigan psychologist Terri Conley and colleagues sift through psychology studies and find gender differences aren't always as black-and-white (or pink-and-blue) as they seem. Here are 3 more myths.
3. Men Want 'Sexy' & Women Want 'Status'
An underpinning of evolutionary psychology is that men look for sexy women who are likely to provide them with attractive, healthy offspring, while women are more concerned than men about getting a high-status mate who can be a good provider.
When psychologists ask research subjects (mostly college students) to imagine their ideal mate, then that is indeed what they typically find. But when people in an actual speed-dating event rated the importance of attractiveness and status, these gender differences evaporated, according to a 2008 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
When the research participants met potential dates face to face, there was no difference in the way they rated their romantic interest based on those people's attractiveness and earnings. So it seems real-world attraction may go beyond simple stereotypes.
"Thinking about 'ideal' elicits more stereotypical thoughts about women and men - and what women and men 'should' do," Conley wrote in an email to LiveScience. "When someone evaluates a real person, it is a little different."
4. Women Have Far Fewer Orgasms Than Men Do
Are women biologically doomed to a life of less sexual pleasure than men? Studies suggest that men do experience more orgasms than women, but Conley and her colleagues add a large caveat: The differences are largest in one-night stands and hookup relationships. Things look rosier for women in long-term relationships.
In a study published in the book "Families as They Really Are," (W.W. Norton and Co., 2009), researchers asked more than 12,925 people about their sexual experiences. They found that women reached orgasm only about a third as much as men during first-time hookups, and only half as often as men during repeated hookups. But in committed relationships, women have orgasms 79 percent as often as men.
The fact that the gap can shrink so much based on relationship type suggests that having a partner who cares about a woman's sexual satisfaction is more important than biology, Conley and her colleagues wrote.
5. Women Are Pickier Than Men
Evolutionary theory holds that men want to spread their seed, while women are choosy about whom they mate with. But this may not be universal, according to Conley and her colleagues.
A 2009 study published in Psychological Science found that people are choosier when they're approached by a potential partner, and less choosy when they're doing the approaching. The experiment, conducted in a real-life speed-dating environment, showed that when men rotated through women who stayed seated in the same spot, the women were more selective about whom they chose to date. When the women did the rotating, it was the guys who were pickier.
Because guys are traditionally the ones who make the first move, women may simply get more of a chance to be choosy. Perhaps, Conley and her colleagues wrote, women's pickiness is tied more to dating rules than to innate desires.
Conley said that these against-the-grain studies highlight the importance of following the data to their conclusion, even when that conclusion isn't what you'd expect.
"Psychologists - including me - always have to be looking beyond their own biases. They need to avoid getting so attached to a particular theory or perspective that they go out of their way to protect the theory," Conley said. "Data should be the guide, and you have to look at data in every way you can think of to see if the story you are telling is really the best one."