...your ex dating sucks and never stops sucking.
Every little quirk that you find the slightest bit irritating in your dining partner is guaranteed to become the central core of his personality as the years pile on. Good luck with that.
Speaking of dating. Dates will shock you -- shock you -- with what they believe is normal behavior. When a dinner date feels like a scene from Hangover 2, you know you're in trouble.
Internet dating now seems like a safe, time-tested way to get to know people -- until you read about the film executive who was the victim of a sexual attack by a man she met on Match.Com. Craigslist is just another name for potential date rape; to a single mother, nothing is scarier than craigslist.
Which brings me to another point: sex. Living with children is like living with parents. Except you're not a teenager, trying to sneak one over on Mom and Dad. You are the sole member of the household responsible for the health and well-being of your children. And your kids don't want you to date. They don't want you to bring home someone new. Even if they like the new guy or girl, they don't want to appear to be choosing sides against their other biological parent.
When you do go out with someone (after the kids go to bed), you size them up not only against your standards, but the standards of your children. You're not the only one going out on that date -- your seven-year-old is right there with you, with his toothy grin. Your fourteen-year-old is scowling in the background. Your stoic ten-year-old has tears welling up in his eyes.
Frankly, other than superficial dating far away from your kids' eyes and ears, E.S.P. might be the only thing that makes sense for the single parent.
Yes, your happiness is important, but the moment you gave birth, your happiness took a backseat to that squalling bundle of joy. You're not a teenager anymore. It's not about you. Your self-actualization and self-esteem needs to move over and make some mac and cheese.
Keep this in mind, as well. Just as time is the only true test of love and marriage -- time is the true test of divorce, as well. Time heals, it clarifies in surprising ways. The old hurts seem more minor, less lacerating. Now you've been hurt anew, and by someone with whom you don't share children or a dog or a name. You've been hurt by someone you barely even know.
6. Bumps in the night suck. (snip)
7. Synergy sucks... (snip)
Here is a link to the full article:
http://tinyurl.com/6lydakk
