Encouraging Intimacy

By Gary Chapman

Intimacy comes from a Latin word meaning 'inner'. It is two people sharing the 'inner self'.

Marriage is meant to be an intimate relationship - one in which a husband and wife reveal themselves to one another.

Two of the things we share are 'thoughts' and 'emotions'. Emotions can't be seen, but they can be revealed.

When I say to my wife, "I'm feeling disappointed," I have shared an emotion. If I tell her why, then I'm sharing my thoughts.

We make it easier for our spouse to share thoughts and emotions if we don't pounce on them with condemnation. If you say, "Well, that's nothing to be disappointed about. You shouldn't let that bother you," you have become a preacher not a loving spouse. When you say, "I can see how that would be disappointing, tell me more about it." You are encouraging intimacy.

Sharing Intimate Desires

We are creatures of desire. That is, we want certain things. Desires are usually expressed in terms of "I want..., I wish...I hope... or I would like...

In an intimate marriage couples can share their desires without making demands. If my wife tells me that she would like a new dress for the party, then perhaps I can make it happen.

If she doesn't tell me, I have no way of knowing her desire.

I don't mean that any of us can have everything we desire. But if we share, then we can discuss the possibilities - is it realistic or not? If so, then what steps need to be taken? Helping fulfill the desires of your spouse is one way of expressing your love. Love always wants what is best for the spouse.