The Power of Oxytocin

By John Gray

Oxytocin is known as the social attachment hormone. While this powerful hormone can be found in both men and women, it plays a more essential role in a woman's life.

Oxytocin stimulates in women their maternal behavior as well as sexual arousal. It reduces blood pressure levels and has a calming effect on both males and females.

Oxytocin creates a sense of attachment. Research has shown that levels of oxytocin in women actually increase when they connect with someone through friendship, sharing, caring, and nurturing.

Oxytocin levels diminish when a woman misses someone or experiences a loss or breakup or feels alone, ignored, rejected, unsupported and insignificant.

Women in love show high levels of oxytocin. This high level of oxytocin will create a situation where a woman is often consumed by thoughts of giving freely of herself and sharing more time with her partner. To sustain that high level of oxytocin, a woman must feel good in a relationship, trusting that her partner cares for her as much as she cares for him.

There is a direct correlation between the support a woman feels and the maintenance of a high level of oxytocin. How a woman interprets her partner's actions will determine the continuing flow of oxytocin. When she anticipates getting her needs met, oxytocin will stay high. When a woman expects more from her partner than he is able or willing to give, oxytocin levels will reverse and quickly drop.

This is one critical reason why you will see more erratic spikes of oxytocin in women who depend too greatly on their partners for support.

Women who have a wide circle of social support, particularly, and most typically, in the form of female family and friends, have a much greater chance of maintaining healthy levels of oxytocin.

There are many ways, in fact, for a woman to raise her oxytocin levels without depending on a man. Oxytocin levels rise in a woman in a variety of situations, many of which can have nothing to do with a male partner. Oxytocin stimulators can include: Sharing, teamwork, communication, shared responsibilities, affection, support, collaboration, and compliments.

When a woman feels rushed, overwhelmed, or pressured to do everything, her oxytocin levels will drop and she will feel her stress levels increase.

It is helpful for her partner to recognize this and to help her rebuild oxytocin levels by making sure she feels seen, heard and supported. At the end of the day, a simple hug, a private conversation, and some affection can make a big difference.

The power of oxytocin for a woman, like the power of testosterone for a man, plays a powerful role in how she feels about herself and the world around her.

To learn more about hormones and their effect on our lives and our relationships read my new book "Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice."