Getting Romance From Good To Great

By John Gray

One of the most powerful ways to restore hormonal balance in a relationship is, of course, romance. But at a certain point in an unbalanced relationship, efforts to create romance just bring more of the stress the couple is unable to relieve.

This is especially true if the couple is under the mistaken impression that what worked at the beginning of the relationship can still work.

Once the newness is gone, romance is no longer automatic and must be stimulated by the good feelings of relieving each other's stress. You simply can't feel loving if you're not feeling good.

Think of one of those fund-raising events where they put up a thermometer to indicate progress toward a goal. As more and more people donate, the red line on the thermometer move up the scale from 10 percent to 20 percent and so on, until the goal is reached at 100 percent. In your relationship, once the newness is gone, your romantic relationship can only move the thermometer of fulfillment for the last 10 percent - from the 90 percent mark to 100 percent.

Your own efforts and choices, independent of your romantic partner, are what raise the first 90 percent. After that, it's your partner's romantic donations that can, and do top the chart.

To raise your thermometer of fulfillment and ensure balance in your relationship, you must cultivate areas of support in your life that don't involve your partner. You must find newness, hope, challenge and optimism in other areas of your life.

That's how you get to 90 percent. At that point it's easy for your romantic relationship to take you and your partner from the 90 percent level of feeling good to the 100 percent level of feeling great!